When sex gets mechanical, instead of being spontaneous, it may lack the ‘P’ factor. Simply put, on some days, you will find the passion missing. Yes, sex may not be the same always – be in terms of quantity or even quality. If thrice a week was your normal at the beginning of your relationship, once in two weeks could be your ‘new normal’ five years later. It may not even seem as intimate. But there are always ways to bring the spice back into your sex life. If you wish to know how to have better sex, keep reading for some easy-to-follow tips.
Before we share ways to improve your sexual life and boost intimacy, you must know the benefits of a healthy sex life. According to various studies, engaging in sex can contribute to better blood pressure, immune system and sleep, improved heart health, and reduction in stress, depression and/or anxiety. You will also feel more emotionally connected to your partner.
Now that we know sex is an important ingredient in a relationship, we all go through life! A busy day at work, a fight at home or with a friend, financial stress, travel, caregiving, parenting or sometimes the lack of mood – there are many factors that can affect one’s sex life. According to relationship and intimacy coach Dr Elizabeth Fedrick, sometimes, when a relationship progresses, it will be natural for couples to even feel a lack of novelty. And as they face the reality of the world, “sex is one of the first things to be negatively impacted”. And this lack of sex can affect your physical, emotional and mental health.
In an informative Instagram post, the expert says that if you feel your sex life has lost the spark, all you’ve got to do is put in an effort towards “recharging the chemistry, attraction, and desire”. While it may not guarantee you the freshness of sex when you began, you can surely work your way to improve the quality and quantity of sex you engage in as a couple.
8 tips for better sex and intimacy in a relationship
If you’re looking for ways to make sex feel good again, communication is key! Acknowledging the fact that sex may be lacking in your relationship is the first step towards making it happen. The next step would be to communicate it to your partner, and then work together to change this dynamic in your love life. Dr Fedrick believes there are some things you can do. Here’s a list of things you must do in order to have a better sex life.
1. Be aware of what turns on your partner
Remember that foreplay is not just for the bedroom. Emotional foreplay can also work wonders to revive physical intimacy in your romantic relationship. Apart from the kissing, cuddling and nibbling, being aware of what turns on your partner outside your bedroom, can go a long way to improve your sexual life. Dr Elizabeth Fedrick says these turn-on experiences can include deep conversations, intellectual stimulation, doing something together – maybe a partner workout – and even something as basic as helping your partner with a task.
2. Know how like your partner needs to be pursued
Intimacy may not always be instinctive. When the quantity and quality of sex lacks in your relationship, you may need to pursue your partner the right way. To accomplish that, how your partner likes to be pursued is important. If you are too pushy, immature or use jokes to ask your partner to engage in sex, it may not work in your favour. Instead, try to build up sexual tension in a positive way. Sexual health experts call it the push-and-pull method, wherein you express your interest and then withdraw. Do that little tease to boost your sex life!
3. Enjoy stimulating content together
There’s always something that may make you click! It could be watching a romantic movie together, reading a book and even music. If you’re in a relationship with healthy communication, both partners will be aware of what stimulates your sexual appetite. If you’ve got to do something deliberately to make it happen, go ahead and do it!
4. Look good, feel good
Looks don’t matter in love, but putting efforts towards your personal appearances can be an important to keep the spark alive in a relationship. “remember that hygiene matters,” asserts Dr Fedrick. Yes, when you feel good, you look good automatically. But the reverse works well too. When you work on your appearance, you will feel more confident and look more attractive to your partner. This is not to say that appearance plays a defining part in your sexual life, but there’s no harm in working towards looking more appealing.
Also read: Have you tried maintenance sex to keep the spark alive with your partner? Try this!
5. Schedule sex to boost quantity of sex
If your life is all about following a calendar, why not put sex on the calendar too? Yes, scheduling sex can be a put-off for some people who like it in the spur of the moment, but it can be one of the winning tips for better sex for busy-bees! Using the calendar to mark some days can help to regularise sex. So, if the word “busy” gets in the way of your sex life, Dr Fedrick has given you a solution! If you’re trying to pregnant, making an appointment for your sex according to your ovulation cycle may also be helpful!
6. Shower your partner with compliments
Who doesn’t like compliments? So, ensure that you compliment your partner frequently. This can be done to woo them into bed and even as an after-sex activity. Hitting the orgasm is not enough. What you do after sex is also an important part of bonding in a relationship. By showering genuine compliments on your partner, you will make them feel sexy and attractive, says Dr Fedrick.
7. Don’t ignore self-pleasure
Spend time on your own fantasizing and engaging in self-exploration, suggests Dr Fedrick. When you are more aware about how and where you like being touched, you can communicate it better to your important. Women have for long been made to feel that self pleasure is a sin, but people are gradually talking more openly about exploring their sexual fantasies.
Also read: Is self-pleasure a sign of an unsatisfactory sex life? Experts weigh in
8. Make your partner feel safe and secure
Sex is not the be-all and end-all of a relationship. The foundation of your relationship should be strong before you fully enjoy passionate sex. Dr Fedrick points out that before you prioritise sex, give due importance to the feelings of safety, security, connection and emotional support. We may not realise enough, but these are great drivers of sex!
Follow these tips for better sex, and see the difference for yourself.