Do you tend to take ownership of other people’s tasks, mistakes, and problems? Do you find it difficult to ask for help? Does expressing and sharing your feelings seem like a daunting task for you? If you answered in the affirmative to all these questions, you could be an over-responsible person. Yes, it’s a thing and not something you should ignore!
Psychologist and mental health coach Dr Lalitaa Suglani took to her Instagram account to share what an over-responsible looks like and what you can do to manage it.
So, what is an over-responsible person?
It is great to know that you have a positive impact on people because you are making them happy. But there’s a slight difference between being kind and a people pleaser. If you are a people pleaser, chances are you are an over-responsible person as well.
People pleasers who put others before themselves and minimise or avoid conflict, criticism, rejection, disappointment, and loss are over-responsible people. They often do these good things not because they want to do the right thing, but because they don’t know any other way of coping, explains the expert in her post.
Also Read: 5 signs that indicate you’re a people pleaser and why you should give it up NOW
Signs you are an over-responsible person
Being an over-responsible person is not going to do you any good, it would make you feel the following emotions.
- Feel bad for being yourself or saying no.
- Struggle with requesting or accepting help.
- Fear of outshining others.
- Reduce the importance of your demands and goals.
- You end up taking on the burden because you assume others won’t.
- Strive for total independence.
- Take on other people’s feelings.
- Try to play therapist with your family and friends.
- Feel relentless when someone feels they are entitled to your generosity and support.
How to let go of being over responsible?
Being responsible is a great thing but being over responsible can be bad for your mental health. You need to choose yourself and be more authentic to you than ever if you want to take the reins of your life into your own hands. It will help you heal and not let you repeat anything you did in the past.
1. Set your boundaries
Develop healthy personal boundaries that involve more of your own actions and emotions, than taking responsibility for other people’s emotions. In other words, your boundaries are about what your feelings and actions, which should be the focus of your being. Understand that you don’t need to feel over-responsible for someone in your life, the only person you should be tending to is yourself.
2. Boundaries are about ‘YOU’
Do you feel someone is taking advantage of you? Do you feel obliged to pick up the phone when someone calls even when you are busy? Stop doing that. If any of your relationships are stressing you out or making you feel frustrated, you need to set some limits so that you are not being taken advantage of.
3. Decide what you’re willing to put up with
There is nothing in the world you should be doing that you don’t want to do. You always have a choice to choose the things you want to do. If you want to say no to a friend when they ask you for a favour, even if they upset you, you have the choice to do that. So, make sure you know what you’re willing to put up with to avoid unwanted repercussions.
Also Read: Looking to build a strong and healthy relationship? Here are 3 effective tips to help
4. Don’t stress over someone’s negative response
Do you tend to stress over someone’s negative response when you draw some boundaries? Neither is it your responsibility nor do you have control over their reaction. You shouldn’t be made feel guilty about setting boundaries. If they do that, maybe you need to distance yourself from that person.
5. You can’t change other people
When you feel responsible for others, you might feel that your job is to help the person and possibly change them. This is where your boundaries come into play. Setting boundaries is not intended to exert control over others but rather to establish your limits for how their behavior may affect you.